Choosing Medium
Where do I start? or How should I start? A question that has been now and forever drowning me in the ocean of my mind. How do speak my TRUTH? For I have too many of them NOW! How do I weave my thoughts OUTside me, and make sense for those who ain’t waiting for my words blanket. And yet the truth needs to be told, as I can not hold them INside me anymore.
I have piles of diaries on my study table filled with stories from the past and of dreams for the future. I have stacks of white sheets with sacred shapes & colours that I often fill with designs of a planet I am born in. I even have the recorder of my phone filled with unsung tunes and unworded songs. Oh, and there remains such a deep pond of knowledge from my last 5 years of spiritual awakening.
With a multitude of skills acquired from this multiverse existence of my last 34 years, my mind is brimming with ideas, project proposals, story heads, book titles, philosophical views, analogies, wisdom, but most prominently it is dying to speak MY TRUTH. And yet I am unable to find my medium of expression, where and how to start sharing from this immense body of knowledge. I am literally struggling to breathe now, drowning in this vast ocean I unconsciously dropped myself into. My fault that I only knew how to ask 'Why' and did not know what to do with all the answers that I received from all the 'why’s?’
For the moment I have found myself a tiny island of corals, the edges keep eroding faster with every wave that hits it. And if there comes a storm, I might not withstand to this little dreamy island I’m clinging onto, and I know that the storm has been pending for some time now.
My throat is parched, my body aches from the salt in the wind. The night cools me and the dewdrops from early mornings manage to quench my thirst, but how long? How long shall my skin burn in the sun? How long shall my body fear the sun to come out every morning? How long shall my mind calm me with the thoughts of the cooler nights and yet fear the sharks that circle the island, getting closer and closer as the island erodes? How long shall I remain in the confusion of where should I start?
I know that if I do not start now, either the storm or the sharks are going to get me. The storm might quench my thirst for this lifetime while the sharks might make a monster out of me that I do not wish to become. I know not to swim in this vast blue ocean for I have only learned to float in my little green pond. Can love save me? I know not. Can I save myself? I know not.
But today I shall start. Start writing these confusions of mine as raw confessions and let them be my medium. Let Medium be my medium to surrender to my Creator and to all his truths he wishes to pass on to this world through the medium that is Me.
31.3
